What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

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But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

What does it mean when a British person says "I can't be asked"?

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Why do some children hate their parents?

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Why did my ex-narcissist move so fast with his new supply marriage engagement moving in, etc.?

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Make Nazis afraid again!

Can you write a letter to your first love without mentioning his/her name?

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

What are some other ways to say "you're welcome" in French besides "de rien"?

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Is it still wrong to spread misinformation even if it's only to troll people rather than harming them?

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

The Democrats’ candidate, Kamala, is a total loser, while our candidate, Trump, is a legendary hero and a living god. Are you ready to lose BIG Democrats?

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

What happened to The Simpsons deleted onscreen footage?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

What are some tips for making your husband fall madly in love with you again after going through the worst phase of your marriage?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Why do so many 18 to 29-year-old men struggle in dating?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.